I hate Topshop. I mean I really hate Topshop and least of all the all-singing, all-dancing, spectacularly bone-crushing, soul-wringing Oxford Circus branch that's just waiting to capitalize on insecurity in the form of hungry under-sized 4s. It’s all a bit too fashionable for me: I mean, this girl looks cool, I suppose. But she also looks really bored of propping open that door. And frankly, if that's the look they can help me achieve, I'd rather hand-weave sacks.I slipped in the side entrance around 1650 and I left, an hour later almost in tears, forgetting that anything over a size 10 existed and thinking my bra size was extra-terrestrial. "Second base is at the back in the corner" I overheard somewhere near the jeans. Whether this was a brand or a nickname or a mishap, I can't say, but I giggled nonetheless. I hate the idea, I hate the prices, I hate the crowds and I hate the location, but most of all I hate the fact that it was such a bloody great idea.
Later, I went to see the new Sister Act musical with my parents. I don't want to spoil this (too much) for anyone who has tickets or is planning to see it, so I'll try not to say too much. Incredible set but painfully sacrilegious and unfortunately I'm not the only one with to have found it overrated http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2009/jun/03/sister-act-london-palladium-review My fourteen-year-old sister explaining the sexual props, however, was the real highlight of the evening. Oh and go for the strawberry ice cream if you want to enjoy the second half because, of course, the cast are still enjoying their curtain call.
And then I heard Ascot had been closed and I couldn't help but be unsurprised with it, clearly, being the result of a year ten snogging an E blocker somewhere over the Eton bridge, having been told, under any circumstances, never to cross the river. Of course, had the school never allowed the integration at socials, then the problem may never have occurred, and little Euphemisma could still be sewing felt to card for Father's Day. For more information on Swine Flu, see: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Swine_Flu
I also promised to mention Ed Fraser (not the Channel 4 editor or the owner of the memorial hospital in Macclenny Florida), who is about to chase an older Swedish girl from Columbia to Shoreditch. In defense of his overly-romantic gesture, Ed adds, "she's also taller". He maintains, however, that she is neither stronger nor has a deeper voice and, of course, did ask me not to mention any of this, however, I pulled a "your mum" on him and he soon shut up. Bad luck, Fraser: the cat's out the bag. But it's ok: I have an extremely small readership right now... So! If you ever come across this fellow, you might want to congratulate him because, he turned down a Norwegian. Well done, darling: that's big of you.
What a lot of links today! Can I make up for it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCAt9WcCFbM
Reading: The World According to Clarkson, Volume 3
Listening to: Fly - Nick Drake http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ShXHW_FrlM
Endorsing: Vapiano (Great Portland St)
