I Scream, You Scream...

I HAVE A FIFTH FOLLOWER! Hell yeah! I feel as great as I do when I see that Phones4U ad - the one that claims it has 'GREAT DEALS 4 popular people' - because I know they mean me...

But I know it's about quality, not quantity... right?

(dare I make this sort of assertion?)


I recently went through my Facebook and deleted some 500 'friends' and I feel great. I'd managed to collect a hoard of somewhat less than acquaintances over the past two years at parties I was slightly drunk at, jobs I've walked out of and schools I attended for less than a term. At a glance, my Facebook was more like a horribly visual, bad-memory-provoking spidergram of everyone I've ever met - and it's no secret that I don't like most people.

Just to be really jolly and conformist, I looked up the definition of 'popular', so I knew what I was aiming for/competing against. My lovely illustrated dictionary said I just have to be 'generally liked or admired', which I don't think is too much of a feat. After all, what is 'generally' in the great scope of things? Say, 10%? Phones4U say that I need more than fifty contacts to fit their image of 'popular' and get their 'GREAT DEAL', so if five of the fifty are following my blog, I don't think I'm doing too badly... According to Steven Schwartz (who wrote Wicked), I also have to know how to stand properly; talk to boys; pick the right shoes; do my hair and be good at sport. My dictionary may say one thing, but realistically, Steve's closer to the mark: I remember the very first 'popular' girl I knew - the excedingly pretty Anoushka Dovey at prep school who danced and swam; she was the first to have a boyfriend; had a pair of navy suede mary janes from Shelleys we all wanted and never had a bad hair day.

So I sat down for an evening, and in one fell swoop, rubbed out several years worth of pointless, useless or plainly boring meetings as my criteria for deletion increased with impressive speed. I was thinking about these fifty contacts I require for this 'great deal' and, while the deal may be, I don't think the logic is so great because, even though I only just about passed Maths GCSE, I don't think making up several phone numbers would be too much of a challenge. After all, if you think you have my number, you might want to try giving it a ring because, chances are, you'll more likely get y'mum (oh yeah). What about the numbers for taxi companies I have for every city in the UK? They make me more popular than you, that's right. What I want to know is, who is cheating the system here? Am I dishonestly claiming deals I don't really deserve or is Phones4U inventing incredulous conditions to appear elitist? The bastards. Because, deny as we might, elitism is all we want, like the fact I must only holiday on islands just big enough for me - and my ego. On the upside, all the people I dislike won't be there (because I'll make my runway too small for their jets) but I also won't be able to invite the 200 'friends' I do have left, take photos and post them on Facebook so everyone can see how popular I am.

Sometimes I think I'm going mad (even though Julia Keys told me I wan't- to begin with...) And then I wake up to things like this
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Between You and Feri Irawan
Feri Irawan
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20 June at 08:28
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Hai sabrina , can I be your friend , I am from Indonesia

Just that ...and I wonder what I'd been worrying about!

Listening to: Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Reading: Peter Pan - JM Barrie

Watching: Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow