Bite Me!

I have something to confess. I've got a bit of a thing for vampires.

Had I admitted this a year and a half ago, however, you'd have thought I was mad (maybe you still do), but because of the - well-received, but typo-ridden- Twilight Saga, odaxelagnia is now a socially-accepted fetish. And we've even got to the stage of being able to discuss it like Marmite: you either love it or hate it. I'd say, if you love it, it's the raw and physical, shirt-ripping type of love... And then if you hate it, you just don't talk about it.

Once again, I turned to Ed Fraser for a male opinion.
"Do we fear what we do not understand?" he considered.
"Fear is kinky" I threw in for argument's sake.
He decided, following rather a lot of deliberation, that he might, were the vampirist to be at least part Scandinavian, consider involvement in such an indulgence. I wasn't satisfied.

Convinced this was a bigger fetish than I could immediately prove, I asked around, leading to conversations turning in every weird and wonderful direction possible. A vincent suggested a scenario in which both (or all) participants play vampires draped in cloaks, donning fangs and sharing blood, leading, however, to an argument over whether or not vampires have blood (very much up for debate). A james claimed "everyone likes a bit of pain". A tom didn't get it.

I spent the afternoon with my dear friend Alex last Saturday (although, as you may have noticed, my blog dates are now entirely out-of-sync, and so it is probably in fact next Saturday), when we caught one of the last matinees of Matthew Bourne's Dorian Gray, which we both decided was really rather great (1). This alex once wrote a song called 'I Wanna Be A Sex Offender' (2), well received by 14-year-old Godolphin thoroughbreds in leotards, primary-school plimsols and little else but, no doubt, less by their mothers.

Alex explained that the song was in response to some silly ideas thought up by the Daily Mail regarding their ideas of sex offence, with headlines such as ‘POSTMAN POKES PACKAGE’ and ‘MILKMAN MILKS MANSLAVE’(3). Of course, my morally-Catholic mother maintains that anything sexual (4) is disgusting and a practice that not even, 'normal married couples' engage in(5). And so vampirism, as a way of life, is not something we have brought up over supper as yet, and so my sister and I remain living our half-lives cocooned between the covers of our Buffy and Angel boxsets and Twilight collector's editions.

Ok, uncatholic it may be, but if we must also insist it is also wrong, as Alex says, I too, wanna be a sex offender.

Reading Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
Listening to The Boat That Rocked Soundtrack

(1) Olivia-Anne requested some footnotes, so I thought I might add that of the shows currently a-playing in London, Dorian Gray is a great bounding skip better than Peter Pan but potentially not as a great as Waiting For Godot, even if Olivia-Anne described it as a play in which "nothing happens in the first half and then the second half is a repeat of the first".
(2) with his band The More Assured -buy their album on itunes!
(3) not really
(4) pronounced like 'capsule'.
(5) less of a joke than I would like.